“Well I woke up this mornin…
and my SUV had died.

And my dog ran away… to get some
free range exercise.

Then my woman she left me…
to take that long SkyTrain ride

I got them low down Crazy,
Sustainable Commuting Blues…”

That’s how my Thursday morning started as I joined the herds heading for work with the Crazy Sustainable Commute 2011. Naturally, unicycling came immediately to mind as an appropriately whacked mode of transportation, but I thought singing the blues accompanied by ukulele would top it off in a suitably twisted fashion.

This is the second year for this event that challenges commuters to find really alternative ways to get to the office. It’s also the second year that Unicycle Creative has created a promotional video for the event. If you haven’t seen the incredible chicken-powered rocket sled, you should check it out here.

I must say, riding a unicycle while playing an instrument is definitely a challenge. There were several times when I had to choose between missing a chord and missing a curb. Overall, I don’t think it’s going to replace my usual city bike. And now I wonder how I’m going to top it next year…

But what would their love-child be named?

Honda recently unveiled an indoor transportation unit they call the ‘U3X’, which is essentially, an electric Unicycle. (!) Powered by a lithium-ion battery which lasts for about 60 minutes,  it only weighs about 10 kilos. But the real trick of this thing is that it balances itself, making the unique sensation of unicycling more ubiquitous, much to the chagrin of those of us who have braved both bruises and ridicule learning to operate the real thing.

But one-wheeled purists likely have little to fear. There are no plans to release this techno curiosity to the public any time soon. And the ‘use’ they plan for it? Airport workers who need to get around.

I’m thinking they’ll need to make the seat a lot bigger as airport attendant butts gradually but inevitably widen from lack of exercise.

Come on, Honda. Get your engineers to work on an electric car that can get me to Whistler and back, and leave Unicycling to those foolhardy enough to do it for real.

The media were out in full force, smelling their own self-generated blood, congregating around the more colourful personalities and looking to nurture controversy. A street team from Rogers was flogging a promo contest giving away free hand-held fans, and leading me to ask if Rogers head office officially supported Critical Mass. The rep on hand said she personally believed in it, but couldn’t speak for the corporation. It occurred to me that it would be somewhat hypocritical to be trolling the crowd and not have the corporate cojones to support the cause. At any rate, the ride took on it’s usual mellow vibe, and proceeded across the Cambie Bridge with nary a harsh word thrown that I could hear. To hold traffic back and mollify the drivers close enough to the front of the pack to do damage, the Critical Massers employ riders called ‘corkers’ who park in front of the roads to let the pack pass by relatively unmolested. It is an amazing feeling of freedom, power and joy to share a bridge with several thousand other cyclists, ringing bells, smiling and marveling at the solidarity of it all.

Green Briefs Branding Idea
The rally cry of the ride is, “We don’t block traffic, we ARE traffic.” Which seems to raise the hackles of the motoring public even further.
This led me to think that the whole Critical Mass brand might benefit from a refresh. Because, as one participant put it, this is really more of a festival than a protest.

So how about instead of Critical Mass, we rename it something more positive. Like the Love2Bike Ride, which would capture some of the ride’s positive spirit. Or the 2-Wheel Rush Hour, which might at least make motorists think twice about the mayhem they cause twice a day, every day.
Next, get some corporate sponsors (Rogers?) to donate swag or coupons that the ‘corkers’ can hand out to annoyed drivers, along with explanations of the purpose and international scope of the event.
It would be a start. Because this monthly ride is not going away, and as it grows, it has the opportunity to be much more than a group of self-righteous riders taking back the streets by force. It can, and should be an event that projects as much goodwill out to the community as circulates within the ride itself.

– Post From My iPhone

As winter hits our idyllic Vancouver wonderland, reminding us of what most of Canada faces for 3-4 months of the year, I can’t help but notice that the snow does, for a short time, make us nicer people. We greet neighbours we would otherwise ignore, smiling at the communal inconvenience, the forced withdrawal from the rat race. We help each other push cars out of parking pits. We shovel the walk just a little further down our neighbour’s way. We share that ‘snow-day’ feeling of missing school, skipping work, and delaying shopping. So here’s to that holiday state, holed up inside with family and friends, working our way through turkey dinner and liquor cabinet leftovers. Living in the now and sending a prayer out to those not blessed with such abundance.

Best of the Holidays, Dear Green Briefs Readers. May your track through 2009 be straight, narrow and true.

Lorne

“Go ahead and laugh. Unicycles aren’t very fast and you can’t carry much, but they’re cheap, they’re reliable and you won’t have to scavenge fuel. What’s more, with both hands free you’ll have no trouble firing your rocket-propelled grenade.” 

Thanks to Green Briefs reader and World’s-Coolest-Offroad-Unicyclist Kris Holm for the heads up on this sage piece of on-line wisdom. Kris has his own specialty unicycle design and distribution company, and a web site well worth visiting just to see how far one wheel can really go. His KH24 model, shown here, is the actual cycle featured in the article.

Full disclosure: Green Briefs Blog is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Unicycle Creative, your post-apocalyptic sustainability creative and strategic resource.

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The shoe itself is made from organic hemp, in a sweat-free Portugese union shop, and it’s designed by world-famous Vancouver shoe guru John Fluevog. But the mission of Blackspot goes much further than form and function. Founded by Adbusters visionary Kalle Lasn, the anti-corporation’s goal is nothing less than to take down Nike, and kick any other megacorporate ass it can along the way. Ambitious? Anarchistic? You be the judge. Visit their website athttp://www.blackspotshoes.org